Does Your Weight Define You?

Why do we let our weight define who we are? When I was in high school I was worried about my weight I thought if I reached a 100 pounds then I would start blowing up like a the blueberry girl on Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.

I had family members that were over weight and I saw how people talked about them. Even other family members and how they were treated differently.When I was in sophomore I took a health class and we learned about eating disorders, and I remember watching some films about them. I even remember telling the person I sit next to "I could never have an eating disorder because I love food too much."

Just a year later I was bulimic. Why do we let our weight define who we are? When a teacher noticed and wouldn't let me use the bathroom during his class and would ask me every day what I ate for lunch, saw him as being nosy teacher who need to mind his own business and not mine. I got help and I'd like to say I'm better but I'm not. Now I'm a mom of four kids but I can't loose the weight I gained with my last child. I'm the heaviest I have ever been and I hate myself for it. I can't stand looking at myself in the mirror, in pictures. I hate myself so much for the way I look. I'm not happy. I keep telling myself when I'm thin again I will be happy. I have been obsessed with weight most of my life what is to say that when I'm the ideal weight that I won't like myself then? Why can't I learn to be happy with who I am now? My 9 and 6 year girls are calling themselves fat and it breaks my heart. How can I prevent them hating themselves if I can't even love myself?  I try to eat right and exercise then I just seem to have no self control. I feel like I'm such a failure in all aspects of my life. I don't want my girls to feel the way I do. How do I help them if I can't even help myself?